Precipice of Change
Ordinarily, I would attempt to lead in with something catchy. Quickly followed by some hybridized thesis which ultimately was a reach for my main content. Whatever, that is simply how I approach topics. Blame Bruce Lee and Tupac Amaru Shakur. Why? Shit! I have no idea but that seems better than accusing me for being weird with how I approach things.
Dawning a new day; things are not what could be expected of a person who has been down the path these deep peering pools of pearls have pierced.
From a relatively young age, children were a major desire. A village. Different women. All across the world. And yet, well within the limits of reason and chasms of heartbreak, Time has finally come for warm welcoming and nurturing nesting. The young future finder is eminent. Exciting. Unnerving.
It is a moment that is hard to express because for as short of a memory this will be in the Future, in this expanded waiting room feeling of pregnancy makes it feels like breathing is essentially impossible. Bated breath. Every Inhale. Every Exhale. It is mind numbing. Exhilarating. Blinding. Jarring. ANNOYING AS FUCK!!!!
From the stupid ignorances of people swearing your baby will be gorgeous because it is a Black and Chinese mixture—SUPER FUCKING RACIST and I get immediately offended that the implication is that Black women and Black men somehow fail to make anything other than the same gorgeous babies. WTF? I think there are ugly babies. Ugly babies are not ugly because of their color. That’s stupid. I also feel weird about calling babies ugly. Like are babies supposed to be pretty? FOR WHAT? It’s OD caste shit. Calling pretty privilege to pupating live state life forms. Incensing.
Now, whether you see me as handsome, cool whatever. See my woman as Gorgeous, cool whatever. But my seed? Our combined genetic representation? Weirdos.
Then there is the getting ready part of procreation. The baby’s room. The tools of the trade of parenting. The scheduling. The family gathering around to support. I will be 36 when he is finally here. And so life has been set for the most part. I have a set of resources. Few people have resources set for the next ten years at this point. That’s what I wanted. However my diligence has set him some likely avenues which is the best I could wish for considering my couch surfing all through 2011-2015. Yeah, hustle hard like Ace Hood. Every day hustling like Rick Ross. All hustle no luck like Lantana. You get it. Unlike them, it was a 100% legal hustle = car sales.
My father had married a nurse. The Animaniacs showed lots of love to nurses. I decided I liked nurses. I tried to recruit nurses from out of state that I found visually pleasing. Where I live, there is a insubstantial Black population. Lots of Hispanics and Asians. No takers in the time I was putting out serious effort. Dated Doctors and Lawyers but for one reason or another, I failed to make it work. Then I came across a nurse but the one catch was she was everything I was not looking for(at least on a surface level= first generation immigrant, ESL, pure ethnicity…I preferred mixture, regardless of mixture EXCEPT German and Irish or English…because that ain’t really a mix iykwim).
So, the nurse and I forged a relationship through some stupidity and difficulty. We got to a point where the trust was unquestioned. I realized that trust was EVERYTHING. I came completely clean on the necessary failures. She came clean. We had open trust and communication. Now, we have a baby on the way.
What does the future have for us in store? We will see.
jrsirmans 
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